shattered chrystal
by A.P.P
Summary: Himerish walking outside at the night of Basiliade, in deep thoughts.


_Author´s note: Don´t really remember the first time I had any kind of romantic thoughts of these two. It might have started from the number 37, or the number 44.. yap! I bet that´s the one! _

_Because of school and lack of motivation my cornelia/sylla story has been untouched for five months now, and after noticing how lazy the finns are with giving feedback (when you leave vn and karanoir out) I decided to put this here. _

_And really: If you still haven´t read the number 37 or any of the numbers after it, this fic might seem a bit odd in your eyes.. _

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I keep my eyes on the small waves, as they one by one become estranged from ocean´s embrace. Their collision with the sleeping shores of Basiliade gives the birth to a sweet and calm music, that reminds me of the times when I was only a little boy.. walking on the beach beside my father. I kept wondering why were the other children laughing while playing in the water?

_:FLASHBACK:_

_Father: " They´re just having fun, as should you, little Himerish."_

"_But I don´t want to brake it, daddy!"_

_Father looks down at his son, with a puzzled look on his face._

"_You don´t want to break what..?"_

"_The chrystal, dad! I don´t want to break it."_

The memory brings a small smile to my lips. To me the nature has always been important and very close, and as a little child I didn´t want to harm it in any way.. not even by playing with the water. For the other kids water was only a drop of the ocean, but for me those drops were chrystal shattered to pieces.

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As I stand here, wathching at the surface covered with hundreds and thousands of glittering stars another memory comes to my mind: the trials I faced at the purplelake. I don´t recall being as desperate and ready to give up in my entire life as I was then, and if it weren´t for Yarr, Kilubi and Ih- Shui I´d probably be dead. I still haven´t forgive myself the fact that I didn´t recognize prince Phobos in the body of my dear friend, Endarno, and how could I ever? Luckily for all of us, Hay Lin´s wise grandmother, Yan Lin, saw the soul of Elyon´s brother in those eyes and warned the guardians about him.. putting herself in huge danger by doing so.

But while the guardians were still wondering how to help their royal friend and to stop Phobos from becoming the Oracle, I sensed a strong returning of something powerfull inside me. Like my own heart would have been calling for something vital and irreplaceable to it.

_:FLASHBACK - before the ceremony:_

_Himerish sitting on the floor, watching at the horizon_

_Yarr: "The ceremony is over, as the eclipse is perfect. You´ll take back your place as the high soldier."_

_Himerish stands up, still gazing out from the the gap between the two massive doors. Finally he turns around to face the rest of the big room._

"_Thank you, Yarr. Now that I´ve found my name again there´ll be a new life wating for me."_

"_But still you don´t seem to be happy about it. What is it that you see at the horizon? "_

_Himerish pauses and turns his face back to the two suns on the sky, which has now turned it´s color to grayish purple._

"_My pass perhaps.."_

It was clear that my heart sensed something my eyes were blind to see. Something had took a hold of my inner most without giving me any glimpse or hit of any kind of it. All my eyes were able to see was the shadowy sky, tearing apart the clouds with red edges. And as I saw the flames of that burning color to fade and finally die away, so did my heart lost a piece of its on.

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I leave the beach behind and let my steps guide me to the garden near by. As I get closer the smell of juicy fruits gets stronger. The glow of the full moon makes the place look holy and untouched, and the blue mountains bath in the silvery rain falling on them like shining snow. As I stand there, on the path chosen by my legs, I lay my hand on the tree next to me and through its hard surface I can feel the beating life of all the Basiliade.

I sigh in relief. Truly; this is my home.

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As I lay there on the grass under the protection of a big apple tree, I remember how all the pride and confidence inside me were washed away when seeing her bowing her head in front of me. Like she´d seen a king not allowed to look at. At that brief moment all I wanted was to shut away all the past, dismiss my military position and assure her how much seeing her again ment to me.

But when her beautiful and worried brown eyes met my own, I felt my words fading like a snowflake in the mercy of a warm hand. And although Orube did finish my sentence I still don´t remember the exact words she said.

For the first time since the evaluation I was afraid for myself. I was afraid I´d been a stranger to myself much longer I dared to admit. Perhaps I had build a wall from all the information during my life, just to protect myself from emotions I saw to be the directors of one´s life.

And so again, I decided to be dishonest with myself.

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When Will lost her consciousness after giving the heart of Elyon´s vitality back to Meridian´s crown I knew she´d soon be ok, but I just couldn´t look into Cornelia´s eyes when saying it out loud to her and Caled. How I then wished to be the same man I used to be not so long ago. When the only answer to anything was destiny. It almost took a place of an idol in my life: It was not to be touched, changed or criticized. And to keep its paths on its course I allowed it to take innocent lives on its way.

I close my eyes, feeling pain in them, as a fragile whisper escapes from my lips.

"I´m so sorry, Cassidy.. So very sorry."

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As I open my icy blue eyes again, a certain conversation from the past sneaks in to my mind.

_:FLASHBACK:_

"_The willpower and the strength of spirit have grewn stronger since your arrival, young Asha. You cast proud- free self- confidence on them. That is good."_

"_They sure are fine soldiers, commandant Endarno, but a part of them thirst revenge after Sharr Gruesome, and it troubles me dearly."_

_Endarno gives a warm smile to the young man beside him._

"_It´s true. Many of them feel bitterness towards the man for what he did to their people and to them.. But they´d also want to pay back for you too."_

_Himerish looks at him, worry and sadness mixed on his face._

"_B- but.. why, commandant? Why would they..?"_

"_As you grow up you´ll start to notice them among the ones around you. The ones ready to give their lives for yours, Himerish. They might even prefer your words, will and opinions to what they´ve learned from the ones most dear them. Some go far, some don't.. " _

_whisper " I don´t want them to die for me. It´s.. "_

"_.. your unavoidable future, my friend. And forbidding the once honouring you from doing so would only hurt them. "_

You´d think that seeing those five young guardians happy would make me feel happy too, but it ain´t always like that. Sometimes.. sometimes the memories of Will having the best time of her life -wether it´s with the her friends, Matt or her mom- make me feel so ashamed and the feeling of guilt is just unbearable. At times she´s so loyal and submissive to Kandrakar, that it makes me worry for how far she´s ready to go. How far is she ready to give up on her own will and life because of what I tell her and the others?

My eyes gaze at the stars above me, seeking for an answer, but they stay silent.

I hate myself for making her listen to my decisions instead of her own heart and can only imagine what she was going through after what happened with Arik and his son. How selfish I was then.. if I´d only given away, even just a little, but no. Because of me sticking to my plans and so called "wisdom" many had to share the consequences of them, even they´d done nothing to deserve them.

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I´ve returned to the beach to be there and witness the Basiliade´s nature awakening from its sleep, as the sun is rising to replace its brother once again. I´ve stayed awake the whole night, yet my eyes don´t feel heavy at all. And as the warm sun´s first touches glitter in red on the horizon, my thoughts are interrupted once again, but for the last time this morning, by a memory.

Her.. shedding tears in front of Matt.. telling him that being with her means sharing the resbonsibility and the burdain of carrying the heart of Kandrakar.

I was still with Orube, yet I felt her despair as painfully as it would have smoldered inside my own heart. But it was joy I felt, when that small smile appeared to her lips and the tears of sadness turned to the ones of confused relief, as I raised her face from looking down on her feet.

Yes; seeing her crying for happiness she feels inside does play the role of a medicine dulling my feel of guilt temporarily.

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I crouch down, lowering my right hand to feel the warm, yet cooling shallow water on my skin. The sun is still on its way..

"Why do I carry such a heavy feeling of responsibility towards you, Will?"

I raise my hand, watching as the waterdrops hit the calm surface, creating small circles on it. The sun is almost done with raising behind the ocean, and the winds are coming with her.

"Why do I wish it to be able for me to wipe the tears away from your cheek when I hear your heart´s in pain.. "

I stand up, admiring the horizon once again.

" ..even I already know he´s there by your side?"

I lower my glance to meet the small waves for the first time after leaving the beach last night, embracing the shores of my mother country and creating the peaceful music of its own once again: it was restless from its inside, but calm from the outside.. just like the man before them.

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Back at Heatherfields it´s still dark and one its many inhabitants stirs restlessly in her sleep. Her worried young face tosses from side to side on the pillow covered with pictures of green frogs, her red hair falling to the girl´s face. Finally, her body seems to relax and she falls back to peaceful sleep.

A small tear glitters in the corner of her eye, before making its way to her cheek.

A piece of shattered chrystal.


End file.
